In response, here are three practical suggestions to pastors, and really to all Christians as we move towards Mother’s Day:įirst, to those who have been able to have children by birth, be careful what you say to other women. Practical Suggestions To All Christians on Mother’s Day These are the feelings that dominate Mother’s Day for those of us in the infertile community. The shame we feel and the fact that the subject is treated as taboo means many of us never ‘come out of the closet’ to our church family…Heartbreak. sometimes we are just told to get prayed over by so-and-so, or told to ‘just adopt,’ or that if we just relax or get our priorities/finances/lives in order that God will then give us children. It is also a silent disease because those of us who struggle with infertility often are treated like Job was treated by his friends. One woman in our church wrote the following words to me (speaking of infertility): Or maybe they hear mothers talk about how expensive children are, but they would sell everything they own for the opportunity to have a child. Maybe they hear other mothers complaining about a lack of sleep because their baby is up crying during the night, but they would do anything to just be able to hear a baby crying during the night. For many of these women, every time they hear the word “mother,” it literally cuts them as it reminds them that although they want it so bad, it seems like they may never have the chance to be a mom. One of the reasons there are so many empty seats on Mother’s Day is because the sword and the pain of infertility is so sharp, and it only seems to cut deeper on a day where the idea of “mommies and babies” are everywhere. A sword that so many ladies will feel this Sunday is the sword of infertility. For so many of them, the pain of the sword is felt most deeply on Mother’s Day. In that sense, every mother is Mary.Įven as Simeon prophesied over Mary, there are many swords that pierce through the souls of the dear women in our congregations. But there is nothing unique about a mother who suffers horrific pain when they see their child suffering. Sure, Mary’s role is somewhat unique in redemptive history. As Jesus cried out from the cross in John 19:26, “ Woman, behold your Son,” certainly, the words of Simeon proved to be true, and at that moment it was as if a sword pierced through the very soul of Mary. In Luke 2:35, following the birth of Jesus, Simeon prophesied to Mary that a “ sword will pierce through your own soul also.” When did this happen for Mary? The clearest example is when we see Mary staring at her Son, Jesus, as He is being nailed to the cross. It is a day that percolates pain until it bubbles to the surface. For many, Mother’s Day is like an annual Day of Guilt. And when so many moms think about their children who are not believers or who have made poor decisions in life, they blame themselves and slide towards condemnation. When they see other smiling teenagers in the youth group, they are reminded of their 15-year old daughter who is at home, alone in her bedroom because she has no friends and no desire to find any at church. When they see other kids in their church who are following Jesus, they are reminded of their child who is struggling, and appears to be headed in the opposite direction. And even for those that do have children, behind the smiles and the Mother’s Day flowers, there is often deep hurt, anxiety, feelings of inadequacies, regret, and condemnation. For those that have had abortions, this day only seems to re-open the wound. As so many women see all of the smiling children of other women around them, they are painfully reminded of the three children they lost in miscarriage. When my mother died I not only lost my mother, but my best friend.”įor others, Mother’s Day is an incredibly painful day because they so desperately want to be a mom, but they can’t (due to infertility or other reasons). I spend the day with a broken heart and in tears. For many women, Mother’s Day is just another chilling reminder that “mom is gone.” As one woman recently shared with me, “ It has been 30 years now since I lost my mother to cancer, and each year around Mother’s Day it just seems to get harder and harder. And for others, it’s the most dreaded and painful day of the year. For some, Mother’s Day is one of the happiest days of the year. It is the best of days, and it is the worst of days–Mother’s Day.
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